Sometimes, you just don’t know how to get the words out right and the simplest statement can create a complex and heated argument. Here are some ways to start difficult conversations and really communicate your opinion or concern without trampling over the feelings or ideas of the other person.

• Orient yourself to the belief that the other person is “for you”
• Practice using a ‘soft start’ when talking about difficult or annoying things
• Speak words of gratitude to the person, including why you are grateful
• Use humour to diffuse tension, but don’t use it to gloss over or ignore the issue
• Respect the person’s feeling-state, even if you can’t solve the problem
• Develop grounds rules of communication that are compassionate and fair
• Use relaxation practices to diffuse your negative emotions and responses
• “Share the air” and ‘hold the space’ for genuine discovery and understanding
• Refrain from excessive telling and re-telling of faults and problems
• Refrain from blaming, naming, and shaming (focus on behaviour, not character)
• Refrain from these communication styles: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism
• Recognize and respect how fatigue and stress can influence your mood, behaviour, and ability to process or respond positively [and recognize it for other person too]
• Create a non-verbal symbol to indicate a time-out to cool down