Sometimes, you just don’t know how to get the words out right and the simplest statement can create a complex and heated argument. Here are some ways to start difficult conversations and really communicate your opinion or concern without trampling over the feelings or ideas of the other person.
- Orient yourself to the belief that the other person is “for you”
- Practice using a ‘soft start’ when talking about difficult or annoying things
- Speak words of gratitude to the person, including why you are grateful
- Use humour to diffuse tension, but don’t use it to gloss over or ignore the issue
- Respect the person’s feeling-state, even if you can’t solve the problem
- Develop grounds rules of communication that are compassionate and fair
- Use relaxation practices to diffuse your negative emotions and responses
- “Share the air” and ‘hold the space’ for genuine discovery and understanding
- Refrain from excessive telling and re-telling of faults and problems
- Refrain from blaming, naming, and shaming (focus on behaviour, not character)
- Refrain from these communication styles: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism
- Recognize and respect how fatigue and stress can influence your mood, behaviour, and ability to process or respond positively [and recognize it for other person too]
- Create a non-verbal symbol to indicate a time-out to cool down